out of my comfort zone

One Saturday in May I sat in a room full of people who were in the same situation as me and admitted out loud that I need help. Rather, I pleaded for help while wearing my nicest clothes, having spent a good hour on my hair and makeup (something I haven't done since I got married probably).
I auditioned for The Biggest Loser. Now you won't be seeing me on TV or anything - I didn't get cast.
But the story really isn't about some reality show.
It's about the fact that I'm finally in a place where I can talk about who I am.

I am Natalie.
I am fat.
I am working on it.

I've been "the big girl" my whole life. If anyone reading this has ever:  lived with me, been in my family, or married to me (Jonathan wins all 3, lucky him!) then you'll know how I'm kind of an insecure nut bag when it comes to how I look. I mean sure, my Facebook albums can attest to the fact that I went through a terrible selfie phase in high school and early college (you're welcome), but who didn't? And frankly, back then, it was all about the really-close-to-the-face kind of stuff. I was pro of taking millions of photos that were so close and so washed out that you can't really tell that I have a nose.

I had always struggled with my weight or my own perception of my weight. Once in college, I dropped somewhere 25 and 30 pounds in a month* and probably looked better than I had in a long time, but I still felt fat and not good enough. I still wanted to crawl into something deep and dark anytime the idea of swimsuits and/or shorts were brought up.
It wasn't really until Jonathan and I got married that I realized how dangerous the view I had of myself was. Not only to me, but to those around me. Particularly my sweet, sweet husband. Because you guys - I dread being in this body and that feeling is downright palpable at times. A couple of weeks ago, I had ripped a pair of jeans (not a new thing in my life) and Jonathan had suggested we go buy me some new jeans and I burst into tears. I said "I don't want to buy anymore fat clothes."

As RuPaul says at the end of every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race (probably my favorite TV show...don't judge):  "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
Exactly.
How?

Well about a week and a half ago, I decided something had to change in my life. I've started moving more, counting my calories and working on making healthier choices when it comes to what I eat and how I spend my time (TV all weekend is SUPES fun and all, but I should probably use my legs to walk and run or something). It's been going alright so far. I'm down 11.8 pounds and learning what works for me.

I'm going to learn to love myself if it kills me because I owe it to those that I care about most.

So while this blog is by no means going to become some sort of fitness/weight loss/health blog - I'm not quite sure where it is going. Maybe I'll post some new nail polish I've been playing around with or even post about my hair cut...that I got 2 months ago.

We'll see what happens next.

it's not me, it's my razor!

When my sister got married when I was in 6th grade I think she felt a little bad (or embarrassed) for me. You see, my mom was pretty stringent on "appropriate" ages for certain activities and she thought that 11 was far too young to start shaving your legs. I think I had asked before, but I had little baby legs with fine blonde hair so it didn't really keep me up in the night that I was forbidden from shaving. So my sister, the bride, pulled the diva card and insisted that I shave my legs for her wedding. Mind you - the bridesmaid dress I was wearing was floor length and this was a very snowy March in Utah, but it worked and my mom bought me a pink Bic razor and a can of Skintimate having cream and told me to be careful.

Fast forward 10+ years and I've tried every razor available. And I do mean every color, blade, brand combo you can think of, hoping that I'd find one that allowed me a close shave and also didn't irritate my skin. You know what I'm talking about - those little red bumps that show up on your legs when you've either a) shaved with a dull razor, b) shaved with the wrong temperature water or c) you were too optimistic and you have something important that day where your legs have to look rockin' and smooth.

As I've gotten older my skin has become much more sensitive, so I have to be careful with the razor I use. That's where the Gillette Venus Embrace Sensitive razor* comes in.

I made sure my skin was nice and smooth before I started (I love using a sugar scrub pre-shave like this one or this one) and then I went to town. I normally really hate shaving my legs - probably because I'm incredibly impatient, but the Venus Embrace Sensitive Razor was really easy to use and between my scented sugar scrub and the aloe infused moisture strips - it was downright spa like in my tiny little bathroom.

And because the Venus Embrace Sensitive Razor has 5 blades along with the touch of aloe in the awesome moisture strips, I didn't get razor burn. A miracle, I tell you!

I would definitely recommend this razor to anyone, but particularly those that struggle with sensitive legs and painful razor burn even when using the fancy schmanciest razors. Plus, it's a pretty color. :)


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*I received this product complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster. I'll do another post about Influenster soon!

pardon the cough

I'm fighting a cold/cough combo over here - so sorry for the break in regular posting. I've been marathoning Jennifer Lopez movies (on accident) and staying in my pajamas as long as possible. I've also been finding cough drop wrappers everywhere - the simple joys of being sick.

I remember when Jonathan and I first got married I would always brag about how I had never really been sick with a cough. Plenty of cases of strep throat and a few terrible colds, sure. But never a hacking, wheezing cough where all you can do is beg for mercy and hope that you don't cough so hard that you pee your pants.
And then our first winter as a married couple showed up and we were both hit with the worst coughs ever (and I'm not even hyperbolizing...I'm pretty sure it's a recorded fact that they were the worst coughs ever). They lasted for a good 3 weeks - if not longer. Note to self:  Don't brag about anything ever again.

What do you do to make your colds less crappy? And more importantly - are there any miraculous cough remedies I need to know about?

happy friday!

Happy Friday.

Here's a bunny in a backpack. From you to me.

via a funny tumblr - aka this picture is NOT mine. :)

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glasses + tape + an adventurous spirit = ?

If you follow me on instagram (which if you don't you should - i'm hilarious and not ever boring ever), you'll know that my glasses broke last week.
It happened during a meeting and it was like they came alive and jumped off my face. Their first act as free glasses was to go to Disneyland. Their second act was to break. And break they did!
After rushing to Lenscrafters and begging them to fix them, I had glasses that were temporarily usable (and so clean! I love that they clean your glasses without you having to ask).
Once the weekend came, the temporary fix was caput and I was sick of having the ear piece spontaneously leap from my face every 30 minutes.
So I taped them. I was desperate and white paper tape didn't seem that bad.
It wasn't until I came out of my weekend haze that I was embarrassed about the white tape on my glasses, but I still need to SEE!
In an attempt to camouflage the tape, I colored it in with a black sharpie.

I know what you're thinking. I knooooow.
It looks totally stupid. But sort of classy? Like maybe it's just part of the tortoise shell design?
Here's a picture to prove it.

I have new frames coming in the mail soon. I'll be sure to post the triumphant return of non-tape glasses once I have them.

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gel ya later, polish!

(Did you get my title pun? I'm not so great at titles. Sorry.)

For Christmas, Jonathan gave me a gel polish light so that I can give myself gel manicures instead of going to the salon to get them. It's awesome. And it's also been a fun test to see how terrible I am at painting my nails!
It's one thing to paint with a normal polish and get the color all over (which happens 98% of the time when I paint my nails) - because you can always use nail polish remover to get the excess off. With gel polish? You are committed and it's basically stuck to your skin until you die.
Or two weeks. Whichever comes sooner.

I love how shiny and smooth the polish is - and it's really quick and easy. There is also NO dry time.
Polish dry time is my mortal enemy.

My newest color is called Island Oasis (you can see it in the picture). I'm OVER winter and needed a fun teal color to get me through the bitter cold.

I highly recommend getting a gel polish system if you want a long-lasting manicure. I have the Sensationail by nailene system (glad I'm not the only one making bad puns, nailene). You can get a starter kit and additional polishes at Walmart. Luckily - just about any gel polish will work with any gel light and most companies are making pretty extensive gel polish lines so the options are constantly growing. Also, you can always use a regular nail polish and the gel top coat/light combo and you'll still get a long lasting manicure. It's a win win!

I'm just noticing that I'm a little overdramatic lately, right? Death, mortal enemies, bitter cold, etc. We've been watching a lot of old TV shows on Netflix lately. Blame it on ABC, man. I'm just a product of my environment. Speaking of, we're in desperate need of a new TV show...any recommendations?

Don't mind what's going on with my finger on the right. It was being dramatic this week as well.

Thanks for reading!
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Reading Corner #1: Memoirs of a Geisha

Here's a new thing that I wanted to start in 2014 on The Mermaid's Hair:  Reading Corner!
I know it sounds like a dorky Kindergarten activity, but I've been reading A LOT of books lately and have loved reading ever since I was a little girl. And just as having some kick-a nail polish and sassy shoes can make an impression - so can having interesting things to talk about. Books are perfect for this.
I wanted to start off this series with some of my very favorite books. My most recent read is also one of my favorite books to re-read every year or so.

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

image via goodreads

I've always found Japanese culture really interesting and I feel like this book does a really good job at showing the culture and life of geisha, but I am always so surprised that it is a fiction novel written by a man!
The story of love can only be beat by the story of hope as you are told about the life of Sayuri.

I would definitely recommend it to anyone...and then you can watch the movie! (Another favorite of mine.)

I'm always up for new book recommendations - what have you guys been reading?

If you want to see other books I'm reading or want to show me what you guys have been reading, you can follow me on goodreads here.

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