out of my comfort zone

One Saturday in May I sat in a room full of people who were in the same situation as me and admitted out loud that I need help. Rather, I pleaded for help while wearing my nicest clothes, having spent a good hour on my hair and makeup (something I haven't done since I got married probably).
I auditioned for The Biggest Loser. Now you won't be seeing me on TV or anything - I didn't get cast.
But the story really isn't about some reality show.
It's about the fact that I'm finally in a place where I can talk about who I am.

I am Natalie.
I am fat.
I am working on it.

I've been "the big girl" my whole life. If anyone reading this has ever:  lived with me, been in my family, or married to me (Jonathan wins all 3, lucky him!) then you'll know how I'm kind of an insecure nut bag when it comes to how I look. I mean sure, my Facebook albums can attest to the fact that I went through a terrible selfie phase in high school and early college (you're welcome), but who didn't? And frankly, back then, it was all about the really-close-to-the-face kind of stuff. I was pro of taking millions of photos that were so close and so washed out that you can't really tell that I have a nose.

I had always struggled with my weight or my own perception of my weight. Once in college, I dropped somewhere 25 and 30 pounds in a month* and probably looked better than I had in a long time, but I still felt fat and not good enough. I still wanted to crawl into something deep and dark anytime the idea of swimsuits and/or shorts were brought up.
It wasn't really until Jonathan and I got married that I realized how dangerous the view I had of myself was. Not only to me, but to those around me. Particularly my sweet, sweet husband. Because you guys - I dread being in this body and that feeling is downright palpable at times. A couple of weeks ago, I had ripped a pair of jeans (not a new thing in my life) and Jonathan had suggested we go buy me some new jeans and I burst into tears. I said "I don't want to buy anymore fat clothes."

As RuPaul says at the end of every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race (probably my favorite TV show...don't judge):  "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
Exactly.
How?

Well about a week and a half ago, I decided something had to change in my life. I've started moving more, counting my calories and working on making healthier choices when it comes to what I eat and how I spend my time (TV all weekend is SUPES fun and all, but I should probably use my legs to walk and run or something). It's been going alright so far. I'm down 11.8 pounds and learning what works for me.

I'm going to learn to love myself if it kills me because I owe it to those that I care about most.

So while this blog is by no means going to become some sort of fitness/weight loss/health blog - I'm not quite sure where it is going. Maybe I'll post some new nail polish I've been playing around with or even post about my hair cut...that I got 2 months ago.

We'll see what happens next.

it's not me, it's my razor!

When my sister got married when I was in 6th grade I think she felt a little bad (or embarrassed) for me. You see, my mom was pretty stringent on "appropriate" ages for certain activities and she thought that 11 was far too young to start shaving your legs. I think I had asked before, but I had little baby legs with fine blonde hair so it didn't really keep me up in the night that I was forbidden from shaving. So my sister, the bride, pulled the diva card and insisted that I shave my legs for her wedding. Mind you - the bridesmaid dress I was wearing was floor length and this was a very snowy March in Utah, but it worked and my mom bought me a pink Bic razor and a can of Skintimate having cream and told me to be careful.

Fast forward 10+ years and I've tried every razor available. And I do mean every color, blade, brand combo you can think of, hoping that I'd find one that allowed me a close shave and also didn't irritate my skin. You know what I'm talking about - those little red bumps that show up on your legs when you've either a) shaved with a dull razor, b) shaved with the wrong temperature water or c) you were too optimistic and you have something important that day where your legs have to look rockin' and smooth.

As I've gotten older my skin has become much more sensitive, so I have to be careful with the razor I use. That's where the Gillette Venus Embrace Sensitive razor* comes in.

I made sure my skin was nice and smooth before I started (I love using a sugar scrub pre-shave like this one or this one) and then I went to town. I normally really hate shaving my legs - probably because I'm incredibly impatient, but the Venus Embrace Sensitive Razor was really easy to use and between my scented sugar scrub and the aloe infused moisture strips - it was downright spa like in my tiny little bathroom.

And because the Venus Embrace Sensitive Razor has 5 blades along with the touch of aloe in the awesome moisture strips, I didn't get razor burn. A miracle, I tell you!

I would definitely recommend this razor to anyone, but particularly those that struggle with sensitive legs and painful razor burn even when using the fancy schmanciest razors. Plus, it's a pretty color. :)


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*I received this product complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster. I'll do another post about Influenster soon!

pardon the cough

I'm fighting a cold/cough combo over here - so sorry for the break in regular posting. I've been marathoning Jennifer Lopez movies (on accident) and staying in my pajamas as long as possible. I've also been finding cough drop wrappers everywhere - the simple joys of being sick.

I remember when Jonathan and I first got married I would always brag about how I had never really been sick with a cough. Plenty of cases of strep throat and a few terrible colds, sure. But never a hacking, wheezing cough where all you can do is beg for mercy and hope that you don't cough so hard that you pee your pants.
And then our first winter as a married couple showed up and we were both hit with the worst coughs ever (and I'm not even hyperbolizing...I'm pretty sure it's a recorded fact that they were the worst coughs ever). They lasted for a good 3 weeks - if not longer. Note to self:  Don't brag about anything ever again.

What do you do to make your colds less crappy? And more importantly - are there any miraculous cough remedies I need to know about?

happy friday!

Happy Friday.

Here's a bunny in a backpack. From you to me.

via a funny tumblr - aka this picture is NOT mine. :)

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glasses + tape + an adventurous spirit = ?

If you follow me on instagram (which if you don't you should - i'm hilarious and not ever boring ever), you'll know that my glasses broke last week.
It happened during a meeting and it was like they came alive and jumped off my face. Their first act as free glasses was to go to Disneyland. Their second act was to break. And break they did!
After rushing to Lenscrafters and begging them to fix them, I had glasses that were temporarily usable (and so clean! I love that they clean your glasses without you having to ask).
Once the weekend came, the temporary fix was caput and I was sick of having the ear piece spontaneously leap from my face every 30 minutes.
So I taped them. I was desperate and white paper tape didn't seem that bad.
It wasn't until I came out of my weekend haze that I was embarrassed about the white tape on my glasses, but I still need to SEE!
In an attempt to camouflage the tape, I colored it in with a black sharpie.

I know what you're thinking. I knooooow.
It looks totally stupid. But sort of classy? Like maybe it's just part of the tortoise shell design?
Here's a picture to prove it.

I have new frames coming in the mail soon. I'll be sure to post the triumphant return of non-tape glasses once I have them.

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gel ya later, polish!

(Did you get my title pun? I'm not so great at titles. Sorry.)

For Christmas, Jonathan gave me a gel polish light so that I can give myself gel manicures instead of going to the salon to get them. It's awesome. And it's also been a fun test to see how terrible I am at painting my nails!
It's one thing to paint with a normal polish and get the color all over (which happens 98% of the time when I paint my nails) - because you can always use nail polish remover to get the excess off. With gel polish? You are committed and it's basically stuck to your skin until you die.
Or two weeks. Whichever comes sooner.

I love how shiny and smooth the polish is - and it's really quick and easy. There is also NO dry time.
Polish dry time is my mortal enemy.

My newest color is called Island Oasis (you can see it in the picture). I'm OVER winter and needed a fun teal color to get me through the bitter cold.

I highly recommend getting a gel polish system if you want a long-lasting manicure. I have the Sensationail by nailene system (glad I'm not the only one making bad puns, nailene). You can get a starter kit and additional polishes at Walmart. Luckily - just about any gel polish will work with any gel light and most companies are making pretty extensive gel polish lines so the options are constantly growing. Also, you can always use a regular nail polish and the gel top coat/light combo and you'll still get a long lasting manicure. It's a win win!

I'm just noticing that I'm a little overdramatic lately, right? Death, mortal enemies, bitter cold, etc. We've been watching a lot of old TV shows on Netflix lately. Blame it on ABC, man. I'm just a product of my environment. Speaking of, we're in desperate need of a new TV show...any recommendations?

Don't mind what's going on with my finger on the right. It was being dramatic this week as well.

Thanks for reading!
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Reading Corner #1: Memoirs of a Geisha

Here's a new thing that I wanted to start in 2014 on The Mermaid's Hair:  Reading Corner!
I know it sounds like a dorky Kindergarten activity, but I've been reading A LOT of books lately and have loved reading ever since I was a little girl. And just as having some kick-a nail polish and sassy shoes can make an impression - so can having interesting things to talk about. Books are perfect for this.
I wanted to start off this series with some of my very favorite books. My most recent read is also one of my favorite books to re-read every year or so.

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

image via goodreads

I've always found Japanese culture really interesting and I feel like this book does a really good job at showing the culture and life of geisha, but I am always so surprised that it is a fiction novel written by a man!
The story of love can only be beat by the story of hope as you are told about the life of Sayuri.

I would definitely recommend it to anyone...and then you can watch the movie! (Another favorite of mine.)

I'm always up for new book recommendations - what have you guys been reading?

If you want to see other books I'm reading or want to show me what you guys have been reading, you can follow me on goodreads here.

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so this is the new year

I'm back from the dead! Hooray!

I'm not making any promises that this will be a permanent return because sometimes there's a good show on Netflix and I'd rather just watch Ugly Betty and snuggle with my husband then write a post, but I am going to try a little harder to fill this little corner of the internet with the things that I'm really into lately and someday my kids will read it and say "Wow. My mom was a huge nerd." Thanks, future child. It's genetic - so have fun with that.

I still want to talk about hair, nails, clothes and shoes - you know...the important things.
But I also wanted to try some fun things about some of my other interests and I hope you guys will have fun with it too.

In the meantime, I brought you a photo of the feeding frenzy that was my holiday break. When we visit Jonathan's parents, I always treat it like some foreign land that I'll never see again so I obvioulsy have to have 2 desserts a day.

Hope you all had wonderful holidays and that you're as excited for 2014 as I am!

You can follow my daily shenanigans via instagram, twitter, pinterest - or you can Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

let's talk about shoes, baby

If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen my recent shoe purchase.

I'm in love.

I've wanted a pair of Korks for a while, but had a hard time justifying them because I'm not a big clog person (Say that out loud - it sounds gross and makes me laugh. Sorry.) and I've just recently embraced the idea that some wedges and *gasp* even some heels can be comfortable for all day wear! These puppies are comfy.
Although they are bit loud on the concrete/wood floor at work - there's just something about a click clack of heels that makes me feel like a lady. yaknowwhatimean?

The purchase of these shoes also mark my maiden voyage to my local Nordstrom Rack that just opened! I know that some of you big city dwellers are like "What's the big deal?" but I'm telling you that decently priced Nordstrom goodies are the best thing to happen to this small, recently deprived (but not anymore!) area of Northern Utah.

Sorry to my wallet in advance. And sorry to Jonathan for all of the Saturdays that I'm going to make him come shopping with me.

Any shopping trips where you've scored some sweet goods lately?

Thanks for reading! You can follow my daily goings on via instagram, twitter, pinterest - or you can Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

a purse to call home

 I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of a purse hoarder. I have a bunch of different bags in different colors and materials, but they always seem to be the same size. Super huge large extra double big.

I used to joke with my friends in high school about categorizing my purses my the number of heads I could fit in them. To explain, we were all big theatre nerds and thought this was hilarious. We actually tested this big pink purse I carried around most of high school and found (by convincing people to stick their head in my purse at the same time) that it could fit 3 heads at one time. We were weird

Then, once I hit college, I stopped carrying a purse and just used my backpack for carrying my essentials. It got kind of annoying on the weekends when I'd go out with my roommates and need a place to put my lip gloss or my keys, but one of us was usually the designated purse carrier and we'd toss all of our junk in the same bag and fish it out at the end if the night. Again, weird.

Now that I don't have a need for a backpack and am no longer in the never ending quest for the biggest possible purse, I've found a happy medium.

This picture doesn't do it justice...it's the perfect, bright red.

I just bought this purse from Target on Saturday. The size is perfect-not too big and not too little. I also have a thing for brightly colored purses. I tend to wear a lot of neutrals- so I love using accessories like fun shoes or bright purses to add some color. I also love that the strap can be shortened for wearing on the shoulder or lengthened to wear as a cross body.

Here are some other fun bags I've been loving lately.

Rebecca Minkoff

Michael Kors

Marc Jacobs
(for those wanting to take out a small loan for a purse)

Do you guys love purses as much as I do? Any fun bags you've been wanting?

Thanks for reading! You can follow my daily goings on via instagram, twitter, pinterest - or you can Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

happy halloween!

Happy Halloween!
Jonathan and I decided to go all out this year.

I was Marie Antoinette's head (post guillotine of course) and Jonathan was a luchador.
My hair was incredibly tall (think Amy Winehouse's hair times 10) and I made Jonathan's cape!

Here are our costumes from Halloween 2012.
Dinosaur and Shark.

Have fun and be safe tonight!
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

whip your hair

I am lucky to have been blessed with a mother who is basically the greatest woman alive. This same woman is also kind of old school in her ways - so I grew up seeing my mother wash, dry and style her hair every single morning (even on weekends).

So - every morning from about 7th grade until 12th I would get up, wash my hair, blow dry it and then straighten it.

Honestly, I'm kind of exhausted even typing that process out.

It was merely by freak accident that my hair suffered little to no damage from this daily rigamarole.  I even went blonde my senior year and my (naturally brunette) hair didn't fall out!

blonde baby. this is my senior photo. feel free to mock.

Once I got to college, I realized that I needed a new process. It was too time consuming to spend every morning with this insane routine (that took me about an hour from start to finish) just for my hair!

This is when I'm pretty sure I fell into a time warp and landed in the 90s because I discovered mousse and entered what I like to call my "crunchy" phase.

this wasn't even the worst. this was just the only time it was documented.

The thing that is so funny to me is that this whole time I thought - "Mousse is what is making my hair wavy. My hair isn't wavy at all!" Because when I was younger and even through high school - my hair, when naturally dried, was pretty straight.

But as my natural color reclaimed it's property on my head - my hair was starting to slightly wave with just the tiniest bit of help.

It wasn't until...I met my husband in 2010, that I realized if I just washed my hair, put in some sea salt spray and let it be that it would give me what I wanted.

awwwww

And now that I've gone a good long while without any real heat treatment for my hair...I actually get some legitimate curl in my hair. The other day I found a tendril that had done a little ringlet all on it's own!

What's the story of your hair evolution? Do you have a daily routine?

p.s. I know this was a dreadfully boring post. I'm sorry.

It's "busy season" at work and I'm just too tired to talk about anything other than the stuff that comes easy...like my hair.

So please, take it easy on me and I'll be back to better content soon. :)

silver lining

It's been a busy week around here. Here's a song and couple of random facts for your Friday.

Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley

• The lead singer of Rilo Kiley, Jenny Lewis, was Hannah (the daughter), on Troop Beverly Hills. If you haven't seen this movie, then you need to. It's 80s brilliance.
• Jenny Lewis used to date Blake Sennett (also of Rilo Kiley). You can see his face on 1:17.
• Blake Sennett was Joey the Rat on Boy Meets World. And if you haven't seen Boy Meets World...then I'm sorry. We can't be friends.

Now watch the video, ya filthy animal.
And have a great weekend.

what's in a name?

When I was in third grade, my teacher (who was one of my favorites), read us this book about a boy who didn't like his name - so he decided to give himself a new one. (If I remembered the title I would share it, but I'm coming up with a blank. Anyone know the book I'm talking about?)

The moral of the story was basically that you should like who you are (even your name) as you are. But being the stubborn child that I was - I felt a secret kinship with this boy from the book.

I didn't like my name.

I wanted to change it.

Later that week, we got to choose a name to go by for the whole day - and I think that was to show how confusing it was to have someone calling you "Bernard" when you're actually a "Jake."But, I missed the day that we got to choose a new name to go by. My older sister was getting married.*

So not only did I unnecessarily pick out a new name for myself (Samantha) - I also sort of missed the point of the lesson.

The reason I picked Samantha was because of (and this is a direct quote from my 8 year old self):  "all of the nickname options!" Sam, Sammy...uh...Mantha? Basically there were two. But I thought that the possibilities were endless!
In reality, I had this really good friend named Samantha at the time and I kind of idolized her. She was SO good at soccer (something that I spent a lot of my time doing in third grade) and she was so pretty and cool without even trying! She was a tomboy and all of the boys would let her actually kick the ball at recess.
It wasn't the nickname options - it was because I thought there was something in the name Samantha that would make me all the things my friend was. When in actuality - I had some of those qualities already.

Now that I'm older, I'm learning to embrace being a Natalie. Sometimes people spell it differently and give me the secret french H (which I don't mind) or they call me Nicole, Nancy or Natalia. But at least there's that cool song by The Killers, right? And, as you can see above, I can always find personalized jewelry.

Do you ever wish you had a different name?


*While at the wedding I convinced my parents that is was a school assignment and they had to call me Samantha even though I wasn't at school. This lasted for about 10 minutes. My poor parents. I was kind of a tyrannical child.

finding a bridesmaid dress

My besties (and maids) on my wedding day - Andrea (left) and Emy (right).

My best friend and college roommate is getting married this November and asked me to be in her wedding party.
Not only am I excited for Emy and her fiance, Brad to tie the knot - I'm excited to have an excuse for a fancy dress!

But here comes the hard part.

What do I choose?

Luckily, Emy trusts her maids to pick their own dress - all she's asked for is navy and knee - tea length.

via

via

Which dress would you choose?

9 songs

Here are some songs that I've been into lately.

I tend to get a little obsessed and play the same song over and over again and since I have a long commute - what better way to pass the time than listen to songs you know all the words to?

Some of these are old and some of them are new, but I think that's what the best playlists are made of.

I'm always looking for some new jams. 

What music have you been listening to lately?

Lorde - The Love Club

Neutral Milk Hotel - Holland, 1945

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

Kanye West and Jay Z feat. Frank Ocean - No Church in the Wild

The Staves - Mexico

John Mayer - Born and Raised

White Town - Your Woman

Wilco - Reservations

Imagine Dragons - Demons

fall 2013 love list

I always tend to feel more adventurous in the fall. Maybe it's a way to keep the chill out of my cold, dead heart - or maybe I'm feeling a little melancholy about getting paler by the second, but I've always been excited to try new makeup tips, new clothing trends and...I mean...pumpkin everything, am I right?

• I thought I'd be a grown up and learn how to do a red lip. I wanted something that wasn't too much of a commitment (both to put on and money-wise) so I went for this berry red by Rimmel London. It's from the Kate Moss collection, shade 09. I'm a strictly chapstick girl, so this was a big jump for me, but so far so good! It's moisturizing and a great color.

via

• That sweet hubs of mine wanted to treat me one weekend to something I wouldn't normally buy for myself - so we headed straight to the MAC counter and I picked up an eye shadow pot in 'Honey Lust.' I've always loved a good shimmer eye shadow and I love how this looks dressed up and casual at the same time. Is that possible?

via

• Ever since I've started galavanting about as a working lady, I've been trying to get used to the idea of having some days (in my all casual, all the time office) be a little dressier than others. And that, to me, means high heels/wedges, a non t-shirt and actually doing my hair. So these Toms wedge booties are perfect for me and incredibly comfortable! They go with everything.

via

• I wasn't kidding about the pumpkin thing, but this year I decided that instead of buying pre-packaged pumpkin treats - I'd try making some myself. And then I never shut up about it. You guys, these pumpkin chocolate chip cookies are so easy to make and so good! I've already made two batches (but we've given most of them away - I swear we aren't hoarding them like they are the new currency) with plans for a third. Go metabolism!

via

What have you been splurging/eating/wearing this fall?

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kissing koolers

When I was about 5 or 6, I was at the grocery store with my mom and older sister. We stopped by the makeup aisle and I set my little heart on obtaining the only thing worth having:

Maybelline Kissing Koolers

I don't really remember if they had a color to them (if they did, it probably made your lips look white) or if they tasted like anything, but I HAD to HAVE it. Preferably the one on the left. I was really into pastels.

So...

This is the point in the story where you think I shoplifted it, but no! I was much too sneaky for that.

...I snuck it into the cart by hiding them under some produce.

When we got to the checkout, my mom finally realized our little stowaway once the checker had scanned it. She paused her check writing (my mom was still writing checks up until I graduated high school thankyouverymuch) and asked where that had come from.

She looked right at me and asked if I had snuck this in the cart.

Now I may have been sneaky, but I was certainly a terrible liar and terrified of getting in trouble.

So I 'fessed up.

And instead of causing a scene in the grocery store, my mom calmly asked my sister:

"Amanda. Would you like this lip gloss?"

Spoiler:  Of course she did. It was lip stick. And she was 14.

I guess you could say my mom was pretty great at making an impression. And teaching me not to sneak things into the cart.

But the greatest thing we can all learn from this story is that I've always loved makeup.

When did you realize your love for makeup? Or are you kind of in a love/hate thing?

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Welcome

I've been figuring it was high-time to dust off my keyboard and start writing again.
What better way than a fresh new blog to crawl into - crisp and clean like freshly washed linens.
I'm excited.